Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
