I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
