no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
