Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
