So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
