Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
