I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize