when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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