NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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