What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize