How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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