I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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