My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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