when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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