the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
