I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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