Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
