Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
