I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
