is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
