Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
