True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
