Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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