I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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