I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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