I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
