Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
