...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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