Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
