STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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