is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
