You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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