I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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