Umm I'm too high to move.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
