Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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