When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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