yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
