I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
