I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize