Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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