apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The adults are the big ones right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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