i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
