just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
