oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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