Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
