oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Four minutes until I can fart!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
