the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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