Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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