I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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