its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
