Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
