Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
