ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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