I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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