can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize