that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
