I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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