Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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