I think I won the penis lottery.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
