So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
