my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
