I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
