A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm passing your future prison.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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