I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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