It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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