Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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