Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
