I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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