I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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