I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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