Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
