listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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