So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
