I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
