All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
