I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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