Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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