do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
