I'm laying in your front yard are you home
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
