Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
