I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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