You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
