I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
