That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
