if i can run in heels then i can drive
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
