Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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