remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
