there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
