if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
