I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
