Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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