They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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