That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
