She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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