the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
