I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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