Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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