I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
