And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize