i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
