I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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